I started my first class this week. And I'm all kinds of excited about that. Monday I felt in charge and on top of the world. I totally got this!
Then comes Tuesday. Oh Tuesday...
The day was going pretty normal (which is how all of these posts start I've come to realize). (Beware of the "normal" days. Those are the ones that get you!!) The therapist for McCrae was coming early which shook things up a bit but no big deal. He and I were talking and he asked if there were any new developments on McCrae's case. I said no. We were just waiting on the final hearing next month and then the case should quickly move to adoption. All good things. I also told him that there were rumors that McCrae's mom was pregnant, but I had finally come to the conclusion that she wasn't. That she had told so many different stories and given so many different due dates, I was convinced she had just said those things for attention or to keep a guy around or something (not like she would be the first one to do something like that, am I right?) but that she wasn't actually pregnant. Caseworkers even saw her a couple weeks ago and couldn't confirm if she was actually pregnant. So I pass on all this information to the therapist and I kid you now, within 5 minutes my phone rang and it was our caseworker. She asked if I had any idea why she was calling. I immediately thought something had gone wrong with our state licensing inspection a couple weeks ago. I said no, and that's when she delivered the news:
McCrae's mom had had a baby on Sunday.
Um... excuse me? Come again?
Yeah, another baby.
Since we had the sibling already, were we interested in taking in another one? I told her I'd have to talk to Joey and get back to her.
Joey was gone and had left his phone at home so I had an hour or so to sit and stew about this. I thought about everything. Big picture stuff, day-to-day stuff, the ifs, the whens, the what abouts. I thought about it all. Then Joey came home and we talked about it together and came to a decision. Yes, we'd take the new baby too.
Are we crazy?
Is it going to be hard?
Most definitely. It's going to completely change the dynamic of our family. We will now always be outnumbered. Always.
Is the timing terrible?
Umm... yes. I mean, I just started school! But when is the timing ever perfect? I mean seriously?!?! We've never had perfect timing with anything. And honestly, there is never a "perfect" time for something. There will always be challenges. That's called life.
How are we feeling?
I'm so glad you asked. Right now we're kind of in shock. We're kinda freakin' out a little. We're anxious, nervous, excited, worried. We're feeling the same thing any other expectant parents are feeling. We're worried about our other kids, our jobs, our schedules. It's a crazy thing! But, and I can't speak for Joey on this one but I know for me, I'm also feeling joy. Love. I'm ready to meet this new baby and love on him and watch him grow up just like we've done with BB and McCrae. I'm worried about having kids so young so close together, but I'm excited that they'll get to play together and be together and be best friends. That's awesome! I'm also really thankful. He tested negative for all the drug screenings. He's a preemie (like McCrae) but he's strong & healthy. And, he's coming to us probably today.
So, just like I have done before... a letter:
I can hardly wait to meet you. Your brothers have no idea what's coming, but I'm sure it won't be too long before you're all playing together. You're alone right now at the hospital, but soon you'll never be lonely again. You'll always have your brothers to play with, talk to, fight with, and lean on. And you'll always have momma and daddy. No matter what. I already love you forever and always.