Wednesday, April 3, 2013

on revelations and changes

I didn't start this year off thinking it was going to lead to so many big changes. I mean, I did make my 13 in 2013 list intending to end the year a healthier, leaner, more budget savvy, more experienced me than I had started the year as. So some changes were expected. Others were not. 

5 years ago I was in school at UCO in Edmond. I was still pretty much a newlywed, I was going to school full time, I was working full time, and under the weight and stress of life and many, many worries, I was struggling. I hated where I was and who I was in my life, and the only thing I wanted was change. The summer of 2008, Joey interviewed and was offered a position as a Youth Minister in Levelland, TX, of which he quickly and happily accepted. I was thrilled about the opportunity for him, and for the change for me. Maybe not 100% thrilled 100% of the time, but as a whole, I was welcoming the change. So, even though I only had one semester left of school at UCO, even though I had a path laid out for me to advance within the company I worked for, we still packed up all of our belongings in a U-Haul that was much too big for what we had, and we moved to a different state. At this point, I wouldn't change a thing about that. Had we stayed in Oklahoma, I honestly don't think Joey and I would have made it. Life stresses and worries were driving us apart. So I don't regret my decision to support him and his life in ministry one bit. 

However, I have often wished that I could have finished my degree at UCO before we left. If I could go back and change things, I wouldn't. I wouldn't trade a degree for my marriage. But I have wished and wished that I could finally finish my Bachelor's Degree. I transferred to Texas Tech in hopes of simply finishing my degree there. I realized it might take a bit longer, but I wasn't prepared for what happened. I went from 120 credit hours at UCO to only 66 credit hours at Texas Tech! Yep... I lost nearly half of my credit hours, plus I was going to have to retake several freshman level courses, and I was going to have to completely redo all of my foreign language. It was ridiculous!!! Needless to say, that took the wind right out of my sails. With that weighing on me and the health issues that I was experiencing (this was right before I was diagnosed with PCOS and endometriosis) I gave up. I threw myself into crafting, blogging, supporting Joey, and all the other things that I did. 

A couple years ago I thought about going back to school online. The company I work for is a branch of Devry University so I could go back to school for free. I thought about it, but then decided it just wasn't time yet. About a year ago I had decided that I was really happy with where I was with my career. I wasn't so interested in finishing my degree and was looking at my job as a very temporary thing, and that my Etsy stuff would take off into a full-fledged business. First it was jewlery, then art, then mobiles, then garlands, then art again, then I thought my blog and eventually my writing might be a money-maker. But within the past 6 months or so I've had another revelation, I like having a "regular" 9-5 kind of job. I like the stability. I like knowing that I'll have a retirement. I love the fact that I get to work from home and be there for my kiddos. I love having health benefits, perks, and a regular paycheck without having to worry about paying myself a salary, working out the taxes of a small business, etc. I think it's awesome that people want to start their own businesses and I'm definitely supportive of them! But right now, that's just not me. I don't know if that will ever be me. I think it's brave of people to do that, but I also think it's just as brave to not do that. To live your life, make your money, support your family with a job that's a "regular" job. There's nothing wrong with either of those options, except that the latter is what fits me right now. I also love being creative when I want to be. My awesome friend Ashley and I were talking about this just last week. After a few conversations with her over the past couple months I've realized that I really love my blog, but I also love not having to blog if I don't want to. I really love creating things, but not if I have to. I love being creative... on the side. Anytime I've taken anything creative that I love to do and tried to turn it into a business, the more quickly I experience frustrations, lack of inspiration, and all around burnout. 

I've been toying around with the idea of going back to school for a while. Not sure if I should, if I could raising two little boys and being a preacher's wife too. Not sure if Joey would support me. Not sure if it was what I really wanted. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was definitely what I wanted. I hate this unfinished degree hanging over my head all the time. I hate feeling like I failed miserably at something. I want to make me proud, my family proud, my boys proud. So I talked to Joey about it and he was fully supportive. We talked through some possibilities, and it was wonderful knowing that 5 years ago I quit school to support him, and here he is supporting me right back. :)

So yesterday I called UCO to see if there was anyway I can finish what I started there. I was given the email address to the English Advisor, I've emailed her, and now I wait. I also contacted Devry University because if nothing else, I can get a degree through there for free. I've started the admissions process there while I wait to hear back from UCO. I realize that I may be completely nuts to take on school with everything else I have going on, but I also realize that life isn't going to slow down anytime soon. I can't "pause" my kids and say, "hold on, Momma's gonna finish her degree, then you can finish growing up." It just doesn't work that way. It's either do it, or don't do it. Have a degree, or don't. Feel accomplished, or not. I may end up having to do this thing at a snail's pace because of everything else going on in life, but I'd rather move slowly than not at all. 

So... if I do get accepted into school and start soon, you can be certain of a couple things: I will not be blogging as much and I will miss you all like crazy! So please be sure you follow me on Facebook (or even friend me), or follow me on Twitter

There are also a few other certainties: I will be stressed out, busier than I can imagine right now, I will want to quit more times than I can count, and in the end I will feel the most incredible sense of accomplishment and self-pride. And it will all be worth it. 

So, here's to chasing down your goals, never turning your back on your dreams, and giving it all you've got. 







6 comments:

  1. I started college when my son was 6 months old. I cried just leaving him and it was a really tough/busy/crazy/stressful 3 1/2 years! (I got done a semester early by taking summer courses.) My husband supported me the best that he could, but he was still growing up himself. All along, I pushed through because from the time I was a little girl I had wanted to go to college. A (rich) girl in my 4th grade class told me I couldn't go because my family was too poor. My mom told me I just had to work harder to earn scholarships, but that was a defining moment for me. When I got pregnant in high school, people just assumed that I wouldn't go to college- that I wouldn't make it. I had to prove them wrong, too, and it just gave me even more drive! I knew that if I didn't finish my degree, that deep down I would regret it and probably be resentful and bitter. So, even when it was hard, I knew it was something that I needed to do. I was setting an example for my son, too. I know I only made it because I had a lot of determination and support from family. Also, we ate a lot of leftovers and hubby learned to like them. :) I will be right here cheering you on along the way, too! You can do it!!!!

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  2. Oh, Regina, you are right, you will never regret finishing your degree but you will if you don't. I say that because I'm now 60 years old and always wanted to finish my college education but always found a reason not to and did not. Guess I still could, but just don't see the need now. It will be tough but it will truly just be a short time of your life in the big picture. Blessings to you as you "go forth" with your dream. May the Lord give you all that you need to accomplish this.

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  3. follow your heart...and enjoy the life Abba has given you, even when stressful. :0)
    Debbi
    -yankeeburrowcreations

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  4. oh, and I sent you a freind request, so you can keep me updated about BB. and I can send you prayer requests. good Christian "friends" are hard to find. <3
    Debbi
    -yankeeburrowcreations

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  5. Well good for you girl!! It will be tough but totally worth it!!

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