Sunday, March 17, 2013

me : on spring and casting burdens

Oh how my head seems so full sometimes. Life has been so full lately and I've been thinking about this and thinking about that, and honestly, when it comes time to sit down and blog, I'm just so tired of thinking that I would rather watch a movie with Joey than try to write anything out. Anyone out there know what I'm talking about?

Lately life definitely seems to be spinning out of control. And it's not because of anything that terrible, it just seems that my calendar is filling up every month before the month even starts! There are always things that I need to get done, organize, accomplish; the boys are keeping me hopping; work is steadily busy; various events and activities are going on and honestly, sometimes I feel like I'm being torn in various directions with no end to the madness in sight. 

Like I said, it's not that life is filling up with terrible things, in fact, some of them are very good things. BB's case is moving to the adoption unit. YAY!! So I've got some appointments to make, documents to track down, and paperwork to fill out to make sure all of that goes smoothly. It's a wonderful thing to think that in a couple months he will have our last name and no one can say he's not really ours. :)

And then, there are some things that aren't so great. Our house in Levelland has been on the market for almost 2 years. After over a year of being on the market and not selling, we started renting it out. But now we're having problems at the house that the renters are reporting. Not problems with the renters, just problems with the house. We've already replaced the dishwasher two weeks ago, and now we have electrical problems. The house just seems to be a money and life suck. Ugh. I'm so frustrated with it. And we were planning this big vacation with just Joey and I this year, kind of a belated honeymoon (since we've never been on one), and now... who knows if that's going to happen with all the stuff going on with this house. We've been saving our money for our vacation, but now we might have to spend it on this money pit of a house. There's no end in sight. When these renters leave, there's no way to know if this house will sell or rent or if we're stuck with it for what seems like forever. 

There's also just productivity things. Like appointments for the kids, getting our taxes done, appointments for us, etc. It just seems like there's always somewhere to go and something to do. Life just seems so busy and right now, I feel... overwhelmed. Worn. Like I really need that vacation with Joey to happen tomorrow! haha. 

I feel like this from time to time. The weariness of marriage, mommyhood, work, church, and just everyday life take root in my heart and I feel so worn. 

But then on Saturday morning I woke up to McCrae crying, I fixed a bottle and went and got him and we snuggled for a while with daddy in bed. Then I got up again, made coffee, made cinnamon rolls, opened windows to the house (and to my soul), and let the warm spring sun and the cool spring breeze, clear out the dust and dank in my heart. Oh how refreshing it was! I had sprinklers out all day on Saturday and while the ground eagerly soaked up the water, I eagerly soaked up time with my family. Time to laugh together, play together, rearrange our bedroom, clean out our closet, show BB how to clean his muddy feet off in a water puddle, and spending the day living a full life with a full heart

It was absolutely therapeutic. 

And now, with the start of a new week, it will be easy for me to pick up where I left off on Friday. To pick up those worries, concerns, frustrations, load them up on my shoulders again, tuck the weariness back into my heart, and feel worn all over again. But I don't want to. I can't. I don't want to live a worn life. I don't want to have a weary heart. It's at this point where I have to decide what to do with these worries and this anxiety. 

I know that all these appointments will be over soon. I only have to go see the optometrist once a year, right? BB will only have to go through these appointments for his adoption processes once, right? So there's no point in getting in a tizzy because of all these appointments. They won't last forever. Also, I should be thankful that I have the means to go to and pay for these appointments. I should be thankful that I'm finally getting new glasses. 

Tax season only comes around once a year, and thank GOODNESS for that! But maybe this year will bring with it a refund!! We haven't gotten one of those in years, but with kiddos, maybe now we will! Wouldn't that be awesome?!!?

The problems with our rental house is frustrating. Incredibly frustrating! But if this had happened a year ago, two years ago, we wouldn't have had the money to take care of this. At least now we have the means to take care of these problems. And who knows, maybe with all these updates someone will come along and fall in love with our newly repaired home! 

Joey and I might not get the vacation we've been planning for, but we will still go on a vacation this year. It may be shorter, we may not get to do as many things, but we will still get to go somewhere for a little while by ourselves. It will still be fun. And there's a lot of time between now and then, maybe we will still get the vacation we're planning?

I don't know what will happen with our house, or with our vacation, or anything. I do know that right now, my family is happy, safe, and healthy, and we have everything we need and most of what we want. I am so thankful for that. And with all this thankfulness in my heart, there just isn't any more room for worry. 

Besides... this is truth : 

Do you feel worn and weary? What do you do to combat those feelings?

1 comment:

  1. Oh, I get discouraged and burned out, too. I am glad that you were able to, well, breathe, and get a new perspective. Hang in there, Momma! They keep telling us these days are fleeting. :)


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