Thursday, August 23, 2012

me : see beauty

{ photography by J.M. Barclay }

{ Twigs. Sticks. Dirt. Mud. Hair. Feathers. Bird spit. }

Seeing those words together, doesn't seem very appealing. It seems pretty dirty, and gross, and like something we would avoid. 

{ Shelter. Nest. Home. }

Seeing those words together, brings up feelings of joy, comfort, peace, belonging. 

Strange. How we can be talking about the exact same thing, yet the emotions can be completely opposite. Just depending on how you see it. 


I finally feel like I'm getting back into the swing of things. The past few weeks I've been working, blogging, crafting, taking care of children, all the things I normally do, but not with the heart and gusto I normally have because I've been such a bundle of nerves about the hearing for BB. But now, it's over. 

Deep breath. 




It's over.

And now, I finally feel normal again. But it's weird, I didn't know how stressed I was until I was suddenly de-stressed. Living a stressed life had become a new normal for me, and I was forcing myself to create, forcing myself to blog, trying to keep things as "normal" as possible when really, I just wanted to withdraw and dive into that thick, sticky pool of self-pity and "What-Ifs" that so often tries to ensnare me. I dodged that pool for the most part. I didn't get completely sucked in. At least until the weekend before the hearing. Last Sunday, I was a WRECK. A nervous, emotional, anxious wreck. 

But now, I feel a sense of rejuvenation. Like a new year, a new month, a new breath has just washed over my soul, allowing me to enjoy things again. To see things, not for what they might be... the last bath, the last morning, the last visit with Granny and Grandpa, but seeing things for all the beauty in them. 

The fun and excitement of bath time. The sleepy, softness of mornings. The joy and love of visits with Granny and Grandpa. 

I'm finally able to remove the dingy glasses of worry and anxiety, and rejoice in the beauty that is around me. The beauty that is knowing I have a little boy. 

A son. 

My son! 

Things in my life aren't that different. I still have my blog, my crafting, my boys, my husband, and all the other things to check off, to to-do, to take care of, to enjoy. But what I was seeing as sad, worrisome, a bother, a chore, I can now see as happiness, an accomplishment, an opportunity, a treasure. What was a "have to" is now a "get to". 

I hope that whatever is going on in your life, you are taking in the beauty. You are choosing to see beauty all around, in every little moment. 

1 comment:

  1. BB is yours????????????? Oh my heart is filled with joy for you girl!! This was well written. In the end it always works it self out, doesn't it? Congrats.


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