Friday, December 2, 2011

me : foster parenthood : falling in love

Tuesdays have become my least favorite day of the week. Tuesdays, BB has visitations with his biological family. On Tuesdays, I'm reminded, in what feels like a very harsh way, that I'm not really BB's mother and that he has other family out there. 


I wake up extra early on Tuesdays and get dressed and ready to go. Sometimes I can get fully dressed without him waking up, sometimes I have to get dressed and do my hair and makeup while feeding him, changing him, getting him dressed and keeping him entertained. It sounds stressful and complicated, but it really flows pretty smoothly. And interestingly enough, the one day that Joey was home and getting ready to go with us, we were late leaving the house. Isn't that weird? Haha. 


We leave the house about 8:30 and drive to Lubbock. It takes about an hour and 20 minutes to get to the office for the visitation. Sometimes he sleeps the whole way, sometimes he sleeps part of the way. But for me, the entire way over there is filled with all sorts of thoughts. Conflicted thoughts. Thoughts about his birth mother and whether or not she's going to get her life together enough to get him back. How I don't want her to get her life together enough to get him back. Then I think that that is a horrible thought! How could I not want someone to get their life together? Shame on me. But I look at him, and I don't want to ever let him go. 


Falling in love with BB was pretty instant. He was brought into our home in a carrier that he had already outgrown. He was wheezing badly. He had tummy issues. The back of his head was bald from being laid down or placed in a carseat or something for long periods of time. I loved him instantly. But I was distracted trying to listen to the caseworkers and remember to ask the right questions and get as much info as I could, blah blah blah. Then Joey came home. He swept BB up in his arms, told him he was going to be a linebacker one day and that they were going to watch lots of football together. He took him into the living room and as he has told others, "it took all of about ten minutes to fall in love with him." 


Every placement is different. Any foster parent or anyone involved in the fostering process will tell you that. With LB and LG we were so overwhelmed in the beginning. Wondering what in the world we had gotten ourselves into, if we had done the right thing, if we could even do this, should we tell our caseworker we're not ready? So many thoughts that first night. It all worked out in a splendid way, just as I'm sure it was intended to. But with BB, we shared a single thought that first night: "If he comes up for adoption, we're keeping him."


Because sometimes, falling in love seems more like flying than falling. 


Hopefully one day I can introduce you to BB and give you his name and let you see his face. But for now, just know that beneath every oval, is the cutest little baby in the world. 







7 comments:

  1. That's sweet, Regina. He's very blessed to have this experience with you as his parent:)

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  2. I know exactly how you feel. Jason and I kept my niece for several months. She would go visit her mommy then come back, not because of any order but because her mom had more important things to do than take care of a baby. My brother came home for Thanksgiving and then took Mady and her mom home with him. I want her mom to grow up and take care of her but at the same time I want to keep Mady. I'm not sure I could open my heart to fostering but I'm glad you can. I know there are lots of lil ones that need the love and attention.

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  3. Awww....BB sounds like such a blessing but it breaks my heart to hear about the condition he was in when he arrived. Thank goodness there are people in the world like you & your husband!

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  4. Flying in love!! Yes!

    Here is a little story for you, Regina.
    Back in 1995 I took a 14 year old girl into my home because her father, who was in jail, asked me to. It was not an official foster care. I tried to help her. Her mom, at that time was a heroin addict/ Yasmin was born addicted actually. After four years, when she was 18, she got into big trouble and went to a woman's "prison". I know many members of her family. Very dysfunctional. Long story short, she has not gotten herself together and became pregnant while prostituting. Her baby girl was born about 6 months ago - Josia - born addicted (talk about the circle of life) and is in the foster care system. I pray for Yasmin but I don't think that she will ever get her life together enough to care for Josia. I pray that Josia will find a family like you and Joey. I pray that BB's mom gets herself together but if that is not to be than I pray he will be yours!!

    ♥♥♥
    Sue

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  5. I understand what you are saying....it is honest. Praying that this mother does the right thing and doesn't drag this out if she has no intention of changing her life. Praise God this little guy has you to love him during this time....maybe forever.

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  6. Regina - my heart reaches out to you and Joey! I know that you both be rewarded someday for your devotion, love and kindness! You two make the best parents!

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  7. Praise God that there are wonderful couples like you two. So many children would be without homes if not. Prayers that BB's mom either gets her act together or releases BB to become permanently yours!

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