I wake up extra early on Tuesdays and get dressed and ready to go. Sometimes I can get fully dressed without him waking up, sometimes I have to get dressed and do my hair and makeup while feeding him, changing him, getting him dressed and keeping him entertained. It sounds stressful and complicated, but it really flows pretty smoothly. And interestingly enough, the one day that Joey was home and getting ready to go with us, we were late leaving the house. Isn't that weird? Haha.
We leave the house about 8:30 and drive to Lubbock. It takes about an hour and 20 minutes to get to the office for the visitation. Sometimes he sleeps the whole way, sometimes he sleeps part of the way. But for me, the entire way over there is filled with all sorts of thoughts. Conflicted thoughts. Thoughts about his birth mother and whether or not she's going to get her life together enough to get him back. How I don't want her to get her life together enough to get him back. Then I think that that is a horrible thought! How could I not want someone to get their life together? Shame on me. But I look at him, and I don't want to ever let him go.
Falling in love with BB was pretty instant. He was brought into our home in a carrier that he had already outgrown. He was wheezing badly. He had tummy issues. The back of his head was bald from being laid down or placed in a carseat or something for long periods of time. I loved him instantly. But I was distracted trying to listen to the caseworkers and remember to ask the right questions and get as much info as I could, blah blah blah. Then Joey came home. He swept BB up in his arms, told him he was going to be a linebacker one day and that they were going to watch lots of football together. He took him into the living room and as he has told others, "it took all of about ten minutes to fall in love with him."
Every placement is different. Any foster parent or anyone involved in the fostering process will tell you that. With LB and LG we were so overwhelmed in the beginning. Wondering what in the world we had gotten ourselves into, if we had done the right thing, if we could even do this, should we tell our caseworker we're not ready? So many thoughts that first night. It all worked out in a splendid way, just as I'm sure it was intended to. But with BB, we shared a single thought that first night: "If he comes up for adoption, we're keeping him."
Because sometimes, falling in love seems more like flying than falling.
Hopefully one day I can introduce you to BB and give you his name and let you see his face. But for now, just know that beneath every oval, is the cutest little baby in the world.